where did it all go?

so this is my first post. sorry it has taken so long and i'm also sorry because this one i don't think is going to be very exciting.
i am just gonna go ahead and get this out...and don't feel like you have to come and talk to me about this in fact i don't really want you to i just want you to listen...
i miss church so much. i am tired of being so hurt. when am i gonna get to be happy again? i have been hurt so bad in the past, probably more than a lot of you even realize because i hide it... i'm tired of crying all the time, i'm tired of being lonely and not having a church anymore, i'm tired of not getting to sing like i used to, i'm tired of not being as close to God as i used to be, and i am so so sad that my dad is not a pastor anymore. i loved it so much. why do people have to be so mean? we went there to help them and they run us off, abuse me, take my favorite part of my life away from me and dont even apologize. i am so tired of going to churches and seeing their youth groups and being bitter towards them because i am so jealous. i dont wanna go to church anymore and wish it was my dad's church. i am so hurt...i want my teenage years back and i want my happiness back. why did my sisters have it so easy and everything revolved around me it's not fair
so i am sorry for all of you who were excited about reading my first post, anticipating the joy you were gonna get from it and now i have just ruined your whole day but i had to let ya'll know how i feel...no one realizes how hurt i am and i had to let someone else know besides justin. i promise my next post will be a little more uplifting and happy. and please please dont come talk to me about this i just had to get it out